The Book Imaginarium

GoodBye Angel - In Loving Memory of My Mother

2008-08-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

I've been away....again. Sadly this time it's not primarily due to my laziness or being overworked. This time it was beyond my control.

ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) took my mother from me swiftly and brutally.
She was only 60 and still brilliant and beautiful and vibrant.

I've lost my Mother, my pillar, my angel, my friend, my inspiration and my greatest strength. In the end she wanted my father by her side and her three girls to be able to say goodbye.

Her wish was granted and we were and did, before she took her last breath. Dad stayed by her side until the end.

I was able to still see her before she slipped into an unconscious stupor and although she wasn't able to talk or write, she was able to give me her very last hug. I lay on her breast as I did when I was a baby. I cried and with what little strength she had, she gently stroked my hair as if to say "Don't cry baby, it'll all be alright".

She said she wasn't afraid and I knew she was tired of fighting, tired of being tired and tired of being trapped in her body.

Her favorite films were "The Lord of the Rings" and as she lay sleeping in bed, I sang to her the last song "Into the West". Slowly I watched her slip away.

I couldn't do anything but cry and put my feelings into words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Was,
did,
had.

These are words I use every day in my daily speech and conversation and I have never given them a thought. But this week they have not only been foremost on my mind but I’ve had to contend with the fact they are now used to refer to my mother.

In talking about her it had always been in present tense.

She lost her battle with ALS this week but the ultimate reality she is never coming home has not completely registered with my subconscious. I do not even know where to begin to express my grief and sorrow at the emptiness she leaves in my heart. It is like a rose bush in which the rose has been prematurely plucked and the vine still reaches toward the sun. But all that remains are the thorns. In time the branch will heal and the thorns will lose their bite but today and for the near future the wounds bleed deeply.

Her memory is everywhere in the house she loved so dearly. Her smell lingers heavily on clothes still neatly hung in the closet and folded in her drawers. The last book she was reading still lies on a table. A half finished blanket rests in a basket of yarn patiently waiting to be finished. Notes in her hand are found scattered about. Her footprints can still be seen under the desk where she worked up until a few months ago. In the quiet of night her voice can be heard in gentle whir of a ceiling fan. She is everywhere.

In the first few days of her passing, Dad and us girls spent time together laughing, crying and learning how to move forward in lives that no longer include this woman whom we all cherished and loved beyond measure.

We’ve slowly started reading through the notebooks of her words as in the last few months she lost her ability to speak. It grieves me beyond words to see how she suffered and yet tried to keep strong and from falling into despair. Her daily struggles are documented along with her unfailing strength; her faith and her incredible will to persevered and maintain grace in the gradual loss of dignity and quality of life. Her written words not only offer insight into her physical fight but provide testimony to her unbelievable capacity to soldier on even in the face of death. She showed the world she was the captain of her destiny up until the end.

There were very few people who disliked or disapproved of my mother but even those few would find it difficult, if not impossible, to deny she commanded respect and admiration. Whether it was her genius IQ or her magisterial personality, it was easy at first glance to find yourself intimidated in her presence. But her deep level of humility, her grace and overwhelming beauty captivated nearly everyone she met.

She was simply magical.

I can’t believe how much I miss her already and it feels as if a light has gone out of this world. The sorrow comes at times in unbearable waves but she would not have wanted us to allow ourselves to be pulled down into the current and drown. So we stand strong against the torrent, using her memory as an anchor, and let it wash over us. I understand we are now forever mired in the sea of sorrow but in time it will lose its’ ferocity and will only lap at our feet like the evening tide. Until that time we will continue to laugh and cry but inevitably find peace knowing she has found eternal joy.

She has finally shed the bonds of human mortality and like a bird freed from a cage she now flies free around the Universe that had always so fascinated her, coming home to rest at the feet of her Father. She was and now forever will be, our Angel.

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"Into the West"

In Honor Of Mom

Barbara Cassada
October 1947 - July 2008

YOU: The Owner's Manual

2006-02-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

Title: YOU: The Owner's Manual
Author: Michael Roizen, MD; Mehmet C Oz, MD
Publisher: Collins

Did you know your body is just like a house? Even the Bible called it a "temple". You take care of it just like you would a house just with different tools.

It's hard to know how to care for something if you don't know what it's made of, how it works and what makes it tick. This is a fun book for the average person to get more acquainted with the structure and inner workings of you body and what the essentials are needed to keep if functioning at it's best.

I have a short attention span for boring and blah and this is one of the first books I've read on "health" that I enjoyed reading and actually stuck through until the end. It's hard to read about what I'm doing and not doing to my body and not want to work harder at caring for it.

I had no idea the extra 15 lbs I put on have added an extra 105 lbs of weight to my knees. At this rate I'll need knee replacements by 60. I'm only 155 now, but heck that's a killer on my knees. Especially if I don't start using them.

The most amazing thing to learn was that it doesn't take much to change the body and make it healthier and able to live longer. No crazy diets, outrageous work out plans, brain melds, or trips into space are required. It's simple changes that make the difference. Do a crossword puzzle each day, take a 10 minute walk 3 times a week, add fiber and fruit to your diet, know your blood pressure (115 over 70 is ideal) and your cholesterol levels. Simple things make a huge difference.

For smokers and fat addicts (yes you the "whole milk or die" freak) there are even plans to help you break both of these habits.

I recommend this to anyone ... period! If you have a human body, read it. Get started on a younger life.

Buy the Book

A Million Little Pieces

2006-01-03T13:26:00.000-08:00

NOTE: There has been much controversy to this book because it's known James Frey fabricated much of the story. HOWEVER...regardless if "fact" or "fiction", for anyone who has battled addiction or any seeming insurmountable problem, this is still a story of triumph and hopefully it can still bring a little hope for those still struggling.

Title: A Million Little Pieces
Author: James Frey
Publisher: Random House

The truth can set you free and redemption can come to anyone. There is nothing said and nothing done except suicide, that can not be redeemed. James Frey's brutally honest account of his personal reality with drugs, alcohol and rehabilitation shows that no matter how low you go.. you can always climb back up.

James Frey was a twenty three year old alcholoic that was also addicted to every major (and minor) drug you can think of. Meth, crack, weed, even glue to name a few. He was half dead and couldn't remember the last time actually being awake for an entire day. The book begins when he wakes up on an airplane with no recollection of how he got there and no idea where he's going. He's filthy, covered in sweat, vomit, urine, blood and dirt. He's missing four teeth, has a hole in one cheek, a broken nose and eye socket. At this point he doesn't even remember or know he's wanted in three states.

Two weeks prior he passed out and fell face down a fire escape. After a friend convices the authorities to let him contact James' parents he puts him on a plane for Chicago where they are waiting for him. Once he gets off the plane they travel to a rehab facility and check him in.

What follows is a detailed account of the two months he spent at the facility. He recounts with unparallelled honesty his battle to control his addiction (without the help of 12 steps), face dental surgery (without anesthesia) and regain control of his life. We meet friends he gets to know during his stay, like Leonard the Mobster, Miles the Judge, and Lilly the Broken. Each one suffers from chemical addiction but each deals with it differently and we feel for each one of them. Hating to see them fall, crying when they cry and cheering when they succeed.

It's about choices. Not the ones other people make for you but the ones you make for yourself. Everything in life is a matter of choice. How you wake up in the morning, go to bed at night, live your life, treat yourself and other people.. it's all about choice. We can be our own worst enemies or our own best friends.

Although I have never gotten involved in drugs, alcohol or addiction myself this book shows much more than how to recover from these demons. It shows the power of the human spirit and that no matter how deep the hole you fell into is... a ladder is always there waiting to show you the way out. All you have to do is be willing to reach out and grab it. You can't sit and wait for someone else to come along and rescue you. The climb is yours and yours alone to make. You have to want it.. you have to reach. James Frey reached for the ladder and he made his climb and when he got out of his hole he just kept climbing. He realized the ladder just keeps on going and where you stop and get off is up to each and everyone of us. You have to climb... hold on and climb.

Buy the Book
A Million Little Pieces - Publishers Page
Offical Website